nag nag nag guilt trip butterflies general uncomfortable.ness

I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. That butterfly feeling you get before a test, or before a speech, basically, the general nervousness in the pit of my stomach. Feels like a guilt trip too.... telling me I should study more.

Maybe its the fact that I've had 4 midterms in 4 consequtive business days. Maybe its the fact that I've been sleeping very little to study for the tests mentioned above. Maybe its the fact that I'm awake only because I had my Red Bull energy drink. Maybe its the fact that I started to study for this midtern yesterday afternoon after my other one finished, and don't feel quite as ready. Maybe its because if I fail this midterm, I automatically fail the course (you have to pass each midterm to pass the course.). Maybe its all of the above.

But all I can say is. THIS FUCKING NAGGING FEELING HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE 7AM THIS MORNING, I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW ONE CAN HAVE PERPETUAL BUTTERFLIES FOR 4 FUCKING HOURS STRAIGHT, BUT IT WON'T FUCKING GO AWAY. IT WON'T EVEN RELENT FOR 20 MINUTES TO LET ME TAKE A SMALL NAP RIGHT NOW BEFORE MY MIDTERM SO I HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING ENERGY TO WRITE IT. BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU FUCKING SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE NERVOUS?? I CAN HANDLE BUTTERFLIES, BUT I CAN'T HANDLE IT FOR 4 FUCKING HOURS (AND ABOUT 4 MORE HOURS BEFORE MY EXAM). ITS LIKE HAVING SOMEONE POKE YOU. YOU CAN HANDLE A COUPLE POKES, BUT AFTER A REALLY LONG TIME, IT WILL START TO HURT AND DRIVE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!!!!

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

Er, that didn't help. I thought maybe if I let out some steam, I'd feel better. I FUCKING DON'T!

IF THIS DOESN'T END SOON, I'M GOING TO GO OUT OF MY MIND!

*insert excerpt from song.*
*"And if destiny's kind, I've got the rest of my mind...."*

GAH, I'm going to take a shower for now... there's not much else I can study, and I still got about 2 hours before my class (not the midterm, the class before it that I have to attend in order not to get expelled from the course... apparently, attendance is so mandatory if you miss 2 classes, BATTER'S OUT!.

I actually have 4 lectures today, in fact. I should be in one right now. But skipping.... for obvious reasons mentioned above. And after today, I have to prepare for the midterm next week and catch up on the work that I've been neglecting while I've been studying for these midterms. (Oh yeah, still no interviews.... in fact, I do believe I got rejected by every single one I've applied to. Ok... next round.....).

Yuy Ren